We’re all familiar with the Arthurian legend of the sword in the stone but the old tales may have had one crucial detail incorrect.
And if that’s true, then a proctologist in China may now be the rightful king of England after successfully managing to pull out… (*pause for effect and add echo filter*)… the sword in the anus!
It all began when a 54-year-old man working in Hangzhou City, who has not been named, decided to cut off his own piles by sticking a huge knife up his bum. Shockingly, this proved to be a bad idea.
Due to the awkward position of the piles, he was forced to twist and turn in a bid to perform his self-surgery. Sadly, he slipped and, well, up it went. Worst of all, the knife was serrated. Yeush. In fairness, I bet he’s not worried about his piles anymore.
The sword itself was some type of key chain measuring about 10 centimetres long. It was a proper broad fantasy-style scimitar too, with a few pointed parts that could easily hook into flesh.
He told medics that he was initially too embarrassed to ask for treatment, so tried to cut the piles out at home. A short time later, he phoned in work telling staff: “I can’t come into work today. I have a sword stuck in my bum.”
A luckless co-worker then went to his home and bum-rushed the injured chap to the Sir Run Run Shaw Hospital to have the blood-soaked sword removed.
And to add insult to anal injury, cameras were allowed into the treatment room and his unfortunate incident was aired on TV to warn others.
So remember kids, if you ever get piles go see a doctor rather than stick a serrated sword up your clacker.

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