When it comes to self-abuse and the pleasures of the palm, we’ve all got a preferred choice of reading material tucked under the bed.
The lingerie section of BBM’s slightly battered copy of the 2007 Argos catalogue, for example, has been subjected to some unholy sights over the years.
But while we’re a pretty open-minded bunch at BBM Towers, we have to question the choice of masturbatory inspiration of a bloke in Crawley this week who apparently likes to conduct himself in a solo symphony while reading “What You See Is What You Get – the Alan Sugar autobiography”.
Hey whatever people do in the privacy of their homes is their own business right? Unfortunately the bloke in question wasn’t in his own home. He was in a public library.
That’s right, he was caught wanking in the middle of Crawley Library while reading a book about Alan Sugar.
“He spent about 20 minutes looking through the books in the business section before selecting Alan Sugar’s autobiography,” said an unnamed source at the library.
“He was behaving rather oddly so we kept an eye on him and then he just sat down with his coat over his lap and started pleasuring himself as he looked through the book.
It was very bizarre behaviour and our security guys got a hold of him before too many people saw what he was doing.”
Unsurprisingly, the man was banned from returning to the library.