IN yet another show of millions of dollars being smashed on the absolutely irrelevant, thousands of dead birds found scattered on the floor of America have been sent for analysis by pencil-pushing virgins to determine whether their death was the cause of fireworks.
New Years Eve, already tarred by Islamic extremists as irrelevant, has been further tarnished as it seems the necessary fireworks cause birds to internally combust, sending some people a little over the edge.
A BBC report literally paints a picture of birds “raining” from the sky… which is priceless. Not only do “blackbirds have poor eyesight” but apparently instead of migrating, they have spent years snorting a heady cocktail of crystal meth, acid and ketamine, which makes sure that once they hear a firework, they immediately re-route themselves towards the nearest and hardest surface. BBM wishes our bird had the same response.