A BRUMMIE do-gooder has discovered the fastest way to get beaten up by a load of drug dealers after prowling the streets of Birmingham at night dressed as a crimefighter and introducing himself as ‘The Statesman’.

Worst. Superhero name. Ever.

“I know he got beaten by drug dealers a few months ago but he didn’t say a lot about it,” said the mother of crimefighting vigilante Scott Cooke. “He’s been a very naughty boy, not telling me he was a superhero.” 

The 26-year-old one-man crimebusting machine only fights the forces of evil at night though – so it doesn’t interfere with his job advising customers about loans and savings at Santander.

He dons a mask, Union Jack shirt and a utility belt and prowls Birmingham four nights a week ready to sort out troublemakers and help the needy.

So far it seems he’s only succeeded in having the shit beaten out of him, although he claims he helped arrest a drug dealer and foiled a break-in.

“I thought something funny was going on because he was going out until the early hours,” said his mum. “He was always driving to Birmingham late at night in his Fiat Punto.”

Worst. Batmoblie. Ever.

RELATED ARTICLESMORE FROM AUTHOR