School’s Out! – Report Card TimeWhilst the likes of Graham Henry and Martin Johnson announce their final squads, it is time to assess the summer performances for all of the major nations with the Rugby World Cup right around the corner. The main protagonists have been in action and many players have put their hands up including Jonny Wilkinson, Daniel Carter, Quade Cooper and Bismarck du Plessis to lead their nations tilt at the crown.

Here is our school style report card on each country’s performance as if each was a schoolboy bringing his grades home. With all of the main Rugby World Cup protagonists having been in action over the past few weeks, it is time for the report cards. All stereotypical names and any offence caused are deliberate…


Liam (New Zealand) – Has been an absolute pleasure to teach this year and finally living up to his full potential and hopefully at the right times rather than in the mock exams. Strong across the board and fully expect to reap the rewards. End of Term Grade A


Bruce (Australia) – At times, very impressive and I think has the capability to spring a big surprise or two come exam (World Cup) time. Certain subjects he is the strongest and if he can put it all together on the day, anything is possible End of Term Grade B


Jacques (South Africa) – Somewhat relying on former success and not taking some of this year’s tests very seriously, it is difficult to know what to expect with Jacques. Might just fall short this time around though End of Term Grade B-


Gareth (Wales) – A very slow starter but shows glimpse of brilliance and genius. However these are all too infrequent and some basic errors cost him at times. In foreign exam conditions and in a very tough class, sadly I think he will fall short once again. Could prove me wrong. End of Term Grade B-


Fraser (Scotland) – Not the most naturally gifted student, Fraser at times impressed this year and will post respectable results but sadly no end of year prizes are in the offering for him. End of Term Grade B-


Johnny (England) – After a good start to the year, Johnny appears to have taken his eye of the prize of late and exam results might suffer as a result. When he wants to, can challenge for top of the class but I would be surprised if we see such results. End of Term Grade C+


Francois (France) – Seems content to waste his given ability and never performs at his best. Unless there is a radical shake up in his focus (which is not impossible!) then I fear the year will end of failure. End of Term Grade C


Paddy (Ireland) – Some very promising early year results have given way to some very abject displays. I can only predict disappoint come exam time. End of Term Grade C-

By Conan Jal