If you’ve ever stubbed your toe on a can of spam while walking through the highlands of Scotland, or tripped over a tin of baked beans while hiking through the Welsh valleys, chances are you’ve (literally) stumbled over a secret stash buried by professional “prepper” Ian Coulthard.
For the last 10 years, the deluded former squaddie has been preparing for the coming apocalypse by burying food supplies in secluded woodlands across the length and breadth of Britain. Part of us almost hopes there is an apocalypse now, just so he never realises what a colossal waste the last decade of his life has been. Come on ISIS, raise your game.
“I have places I can go – safe places – where I have food and first aid supplies stashed, which can last me up to 10 days,” said Gateshead window cleaner Ian. “I am preparing for the scenario where you have to get out of your house fast.”
BBM certainly knows a thing or two about that, we were recently caught by security guards while trying to flee Katy Perry’s place.
“Not everyone in prepping is preparing for an apocalypse. It’s just a very possible scenario,” he continued. “In the last decade alone, we have had floods, drought, riots and recession, so I hope people can see how prepping is an important aspect of anyone’s life.”
In each of his ‘stash sites’ – scattered through Scotland, Wales and the north of England – Ian has around £35 worth of food and first-aid supplies, based on army ration packs.
In another parallel, BBM has stashed several pairs of dirty knickers belonging to Katy Perry, which we had to hide in her back garden before the guards caught us. We’ll go back and get them when the bruising goes down.
“Social and economic collapse could happen, probably in 15 to 20 years and people need to be prepared to survive,” added Ian.
If he’s from Gateshead, there’s a good chance he supports Newcastle United too. No wonder he wants the world to end.

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