ANYONE seeking to expand their horizons and enhance their intellect with a trip to university might be advised to head to Providence University in Taiwan after they opened a new course teaching students  how to appreciate and analyse porn movies.
The Mass Communication Department opened the course this semester and to pass, students must give a 15-minute presentation analysing an audience’s psychological reaction to a porn clip – from an academic perspective.
For us, it’s arousal followed by ecstacy, followed by sleep.
When registering, students signed a form agreeing that if the scenes were too explicit, they could choose to leave the classroom. So far no students have ever left. Wow, amazing that.
Over 50 students registered for the course with curiosity given as the main reason for taking the course. Coincidentally this was the excuse we used when police seized a video of ours featuring a vacuum cleaner, a bowler hat, a pot of olives and an otter.
One student admitted: “I’m really worried my parents will see the score report when it is mailed home. I won’t know what to say if I get a high score. However if I fail, I can speak to my parents and suggest that maybe I should watch more porn.”
Clearly a shrewd cookie. Despite the ease of the course, we get the feeling there could be a record number of re-sits.

MODERN art is almost all shit (sometimes literally) and it beggars belief that people are prepared to pay money for it, so it’s no great surprise that a modern artist used to insulting people’s intelligence went a step further and insulted their heritage too.
Fuckwit EU bosses gave David Cerny £350K to commission other artists to create a piece representing the EU nations for Brussels HQ. Instead, he kept the cash and knocked out a dodgy piece himself, which insulted virtually every member state.
In scenes reminiscent of when Homer Simpson built his perfect car, jaws dropped after the work, called Entropa, was unveiled.
Bulgaria was depicted as a toilet, Romania a Dracula theme park, and France as a map with the word Greve (French for ‘Strike’) across it. Germany was a motorway map resembling a swastika, Holland was underwater, Belgium a box of chocolates, Denmark made of Lego and Sweden an Ikea flatpack.
Czech-born Cerny admitted the hoax and revealed he invented 27 Euro artists supposed to contribute to the sculpture.
He said he did it as he “wanted to see if Europe can laugh at itself”. Sadly it didn’t. The Prince Philip wannabe faces charges.



AS simple tasks go, getting firemen to put out a fire at a fire station should be on a par with organising a piss up in a brewery.
However, it wasn’t as easy as it sounds for bungling German firemen who saw their work place burned to the ground this week – leading to them being branded the worst in the world.
All six fire engines perished in the blaze and it took 250 firemen from nearby towns to finally bring the inferno under control.
Investigators believe fire fighters in Syke could have triggered the £3m blaze themselves in a training exercise accident.
Just a freakish one-off accident you may think. Not so. Amazingly, it was the second time the brigade lost all its engines in a fire, as the station was rebuilt in 1994 after being gutted.
“A fire service that can’t even keep its own fire station and engines safe doesn’t exactly inspire confidence,” raged a local.
Sounds like a few blokes need to get fired.


GETTING on a plane is a ball ache nowadays. Not only are you banned from taking on knives, guns, catapults and various other weapons we used to enjoy pointing at whining kids, now you’re prevented from taking an innocent bottle of piss on board.
Retired policeman Yu Fahai, 58, was actually taking the first flight of his life to attend an awards ceremony in Shanghai when he was challenged over a bottle of liquid in his pocket at Pudong International Airport by concerned security staff.
Yu, who received a kidney transplant several years ago and has to regularly test his urine for infection, said: “The checker asked me what was inside, and I told her it was my urine. She said: ‘Urine? Drink some to prove it’.”
We’re not sure whether she meant drink some to prove it’s his urine, or just urine, but an airport spokesman came up with a hasty excuse that the security guard mistakenly heard the word ‘urine’ as ‘beverage’, and claimed Yu had his boarding card in his mouth, making his pronunciation unclear. Likely story.
After the company apologised, the guard was taken aside and quickly told “urine big trouble for taking the piss”.



A BUNGLING Bosnian burgalr was jailed after dressing as Santa at a June raid, not realising the costume is only worn in December.
Muslim Indir Suljemani, 34, told a court in Mostar that he had bought the costume in a second hand shop as a disguise.
He added: “Muslims don’t celebrate Christmas, I didn’t realise people only dressed like that in winter.”
Suljemani was jailed for two years for robbing a lottery office last June. He was caught fleeing with £1,800 of loot in a sack.
It’s thought he needed the money for a drug habit. They tried to make him go to rehab but he said “ho, ho, ho”.