• MANNERS maketh man, or so said our Sunday school teacher before he was forced to flee the village amid a series of ‘allegations’.
But although he was a vile deviant we still agree with the old perv and we’re glad to see another religious man of principle forcibly teaching this lesson to his son in Baltimore.
A God fearing father had to deal with his disrespectful son refusing to take his hat off in church, so took the only action available to him – he stabbed him in the arse.
The dangerous dad, 58, and his 19-year-old son had been attending a service and, after arguing about the hat, the father went to his car for his knife before blading his boy in the buttock.
Police have since issued a warrant for the arrest of the father who fled afterwards, while the son was taken to University of Maryland Medical Centre for treatment.
So it seems the assailant and our Sunday school teacher have more in common than we thought. He got eight years for stabbing his boys in the arse so it will be interesting to see if the UK and US justice systems dole out similar penalties.
• AUSTRALIAN blokes like to paint themselves as rugged alpha males, but their reputation took a bit of a dent this week when a school bus driver took his unruly passengers to a police station after being hit on the back of the head by a lollipop.
He drove students from St Edmund’s and St Mary’s College in Ipswich, Queensland, to Yamanto police station because: “They were refusing to put seatbelts on. They were told to sit down and behave but were running around the bus and they started pegging things. Something hit me in the back of the head, which I didn’t know at the time what it was, so I pulled over and stopped.”
The object turned out to be a hard-boiled lolly, but King said it could just as easily have been a cricket ball.
“I rang operations and they asked if it was dangerous, which it could have been if it went through the windscreen or knocked me out. We could have ended up having a serious accident.”
If you get a spare minute take a cricket ball and a lolly and chuck them at your best mate’s head. See if they tell the difference.
But far from the Ipswich police telling King to rack off and calling him something along the lines of a “fair dinkum drongo”, they described his decision to involve them as “fantastic”.
In the week closet-lover Hugh Jackman showcased the new-found femininity Down Under on the world stage it seems the manly days of Merv Hughes and Mick Dundee are over. Tee hee.
• WITH the credit crunch hitting hard around the world, businesses are being forced to think up new and ingenius ways to make ends meet, and scientists in Belarus reckon they have the perfect solution – breeding edible frogs.
Boffins say that exporting the local delicacy could turn the former Soviet state into an agriculture super-power.
BBM writers say it won’t.
“We have immense reserves. The republic could expect a huge foreign currency inflow if it developed the industrial breeding of these amphibians,” explained geek Ruslan Novitsky.
The former Soviet republic is home to edible frogs which are considered delicacies in many (backward) countries.
Novitsky said that mass breeding of the frogs would also be low-cost using existing fish-farms. “It’s extremely easy. Frogs could be farmed along with fish, in fish ponds,” he said.
So would you need a special permit to fish for Kermit?
Either way, we would never knowingly choose to have a frog in our throat. Unless of course it was Vanessa Paradis.
• NEVER before has the phrase “the future’s bright, the future’s orange” been more apt after a cash-strapped Chinese college student paid course fees and living costs with five tonnes of oranges.
Wu Xiaobin drove two truckloads of mandarin oranges 130 miles from his family farm in Quzhou to his college in Hangzhou.
He decided to try to sell the oranges as he couldn’t otherwise afford to continue his studies at Zhejiang University.
“Due to the economic downturn and rumours of orange parasite infections, I spent the whole winter vacation helping my father try to sell the oranges but with little success,” said Wu.
Instead, his dad gave him a third of their farm’s 15 tonne harvest for him to try and sell. Thanks to local media covering his story, he sold them all inside an hour of arriving on campus.
And it made a peeling segments for that night’s TV news.
• ‘BREAKING Up Is Hard To Do’ sang Neil Sedaka, but we bet not even the crusty crooner would have envisaged just how hard it’s been for Croatian Ivo Mikesic – who is suing his ex-girlfriend for blitzing him with postcards with bits of her hair stuck to them.
The Zagreb man asked a court to serve a restraining order on his besotted old flame to stop her sending him the bizarre notes.
He said: “I got one and just thought it was really weird and tried to ignore it. But then the postman brought some more postcards with hair on them, and he was giving me some very funny looks. I am also dating another girl now and she thinks it’s very disturbing so I decided to take action to keep my ex away.
“I have no idea why my ex is doing this but at the rate she is going she’s going to have no hair left soon.”
We only wish some of our yetty-esque exes decided to take similar action. Then we wouldn’t have had to set up romantic dates at the zoo and then hand them over to the keepers.