Mr T – Funny News – Crazy Fools
WELCOME to this week’s lesson, entitled Children and Stupidity.
And without waste, we bring you to example number one. Fin Keheler (11) from Utah in the United States wants to secure a place in the Guinness Book of World records by attaching as many snails to his face as possible.
Snails from the neighbours’ gardens were placed on the boy’s face and the ones that stayed on for more than 10 seconds were counted. Honestly, what are his parents at?
Indeed, that question brings us to example number two.
Though to be fair to this little mite, she is only three – so she probably deserves the benefit of the doubt.
Little Pipi Quinlan logged onto her parents’ computer – an early indication of MENSA potential if you ask us, Ctrl, Alt and delete is as advanced as we get – and somehow got onto an auction site that her parents had been using. No problems there, you may say.
Not quite, Pipi then tabled $NZ20,000 bid for a mechanical digger, which was subsequently accepted.
“I called my husband Reid over to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. I asked him what a Kobelco was and he said: ‘I think it’s an earthmoving digger’.
“I asked him if he’d been buying a digger. He said it wasn’t him, and the only other person in the house is our 18-month-old son. That’s when we realised it must have been Pipi.”
She called the site to cancel the bid, which is a bit harsh on the seller really.
IN GOING about your daily business, a little bit of urgency and purpose can help. That’s because no-one likes hesitancy or indecision.
Lian Jiansheng from the Chinese city of Guangzhou certainly doesn’t.
He was passing by the city’s Haizhu Bridge – where 11 people have jumped in the last two months – when he saw a man threatening to kill himself.
Desperate Chen Fuchao had been driven to this point after falling in huge debt when a construction project of his failed.
Not that Jiansheng gave a monkeys about that – all he knew was that this chancer had held up traffic for five hours.
So he did what any logical person would do.
He managed to make his way through the police cordon and climb to where Chen was sitting. After giving him a handshake he promptly shoved him off: decision made.
Chen plummeted 26 feet onto an inflatable cushion which police had set up, though the fall left him with elbow and spine injuries.
NOT the best week for Red Bull.
All right, you lot down gallons of the stuff so the sales are doing okay but the ol’ reputation has taken a bit of a battering.
Firstly, a New Zealand mother has told of her crash diet on the drink in which she consumed between 10 and 14 cans each day. Brooke Roberston’s weight dropped from 16 stone to 9 stone – often, the only solid she ate was a fistful of dried cereal.
Sounds like a wonder diet. Just a few side effects though: severe pain and cramping in her stomach and bowel, anxiety attacks and a heart murmur.
After eight months of shaking hands and the very apparent absence of a pair of wings growing on her back, Brooke had a minor heart-attack.
And now a German region wants to ban the drink after they found traces of cocaine in it.
After tests, scientists in North-Rhine Westphalia said they found small traces of de-cocainized coca extract which would not be harmful to humans but which is not allowed in drinks.
German retail group Rewe had already issued orders to remove the fizzy drink from its shops. Wilhelm Deitermann, spokesman for the consumer ministry said he expected most – if not all – other German states to follow suit and ban the drink.
Will that stop you drinking it? Thought not.
HERE’S a little story about a German man who shot his penis off. Shame that.
Lukas Neuhardt wanted to impress his friends so he stuffed a loaded gun down his trousers.
Bit didn’t he go and forget that the safety trigger was off.
Understandably, he was a bit embarrassed (and tender) about the whole blasting off his own cock off with a gun situation so he lied to the ambulance crew when they arrived, telling them that a mugger had done the damage.
All’s well though, as surgeons were able to sew him back together.