Henry Hoover Will Find Out If Your Man Is Being FaithfulMelissa Smeaton was rather embarrassed recently when she discovered that her live in boyfriend had been a cheating little shit, due to Henry Hoover refusing to suck up any more dirty little secrets.

When Smeaton’s hoover decided to pack in, she unknowningly took it to be repaired, only to discover that the problem was a pair of frilly knickers causing a blockage. Much to her horror and embarrassment, upon realising that these very pants had never hugged her under carriage, she stormed home to Croydon and went batshit crazy at her boyfriend Richard Anthony (who shall be named and shamed) who eventually admitted that they belonged to some cock hungry she-baboon that he had been seeing, behing poor Melissa’s back.

We wish him a miserable year ahead of him.

Much love,

Fanny Frangipane

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