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The trouble with thieves is they obsess so much over material possessions and money. Sure if you broke into Katy Perry’s house, you could make a pretty sum by stealing her jewels and expensive trinkets but can all the money in the world really compare with the thrill of masturbating into her underwear drawer? The judge BBM spoke to disagreed with that defence, but we stand by it and would do it all over again if not for the restraining order.
So it’s with a tip of the hat and a cheeky wink that we acknowledge a bloke in Prague who hid in a restaurant so he had the run of the place after staff had locked up for the night. But instead of helping himself to the cash register and legging it, like most narrow-minded/successful thieves would,
our man decided to gorge himself on a feast of gourmet food.
The greedy pilferer ate six geese, 13 pounds of goose fat and liver, three ducks and an entire one gallon jar of pickles.
The Prague Post newspaper estimated that the alleged thief helped himself to roughly $800 worth of fine food, as well as washing it all down with several bottles of wine.
Brilliantly, even that wasn’t enough for the fat felon, who decided to wrap up a doggy bag that included a strawberry cake and a beer. He also took some chef whites, possibly so he could just wipe all that goose and duck fat off his chubby fingers.
Alas the, culinary criminal made his escape too late, and when the cleaner arrived he called police, who promptly arrested him. He now faces up to two years in prison although he probably won’t have to eat again for the entire period of his incarceration.