While BBM may or may not have fathered several illegitimate children over the years (DNA tests pending), none of our spawn have yet reached an age where they’re ready to, as Ronan Keating often croons, “Find a girl, settle down. If you want you can marry. Look at me, I am old, but I’m an Irish twat.”
We can’t remember the exact lyrics but it’s definitely something like that. But if the produce of our loins was ever to marry, we’d like to think we’d be less like the annoying old fart talking to his son in the Boyzone song, and more like Zhang Cheng, a Chinese bad dad from Xuzhou.
Zhang was arrested recently after hiring two strippers to perform at his son’s wedding, prompting the shindig to be mobbed by randy locals looking for an ogle.
“He had originally wanted a band to play at the nuptials, but was then advised he could get performers whose show would have ‘special features’,” said a witness. “Barely five minutes had passed before hundreds of villagers in the conservative community were swarming to the venue, trying to catch a glimpse.”
It’s unknown if Zhang started singing “I know, I have to go away” as they carted him to the cells.