WE can only imagine the conversation between Elton John and Eminem this week after the be-wigged queen of pop admitted he’d been helping the crap rapper with his drug problem.

“And you can tell everybody, that this is your bong. eminemwebIt might quite illegal but, it’s not really wrong.”

OK he didn’t really say that.

“I’ve been helping Eminem over the last 18 months and he’s doing brilliantly,” said Elton in real life.

“I’m there if people want my help. If people ask for help you tell them where to go but there’s no point advising people if they don’t want to do it.”

Elton, real name John Elton, then made out he was some kind of one-man celeb rehab centre, claiming he only helped people who asked for it.

Switching topic (or possibly not), he then added that he felt sorry for reality TV stars and used recent X Factor winner and rumoured arse bandit Joe McElderry as an example.

“Suddenly they become very famous, like Joe (McElderry) who just won X Factor, who is a sweetheart but he’s got to go and play live and he’s had no experience of doing that,” he said.

Expect Elton to pump full him full of coke and then just pump him in the near future.