Photo of a Beach SnowmanACCORDING to the sun, Britain was officially “sizzling” last week after the old home country enjoyed its hottest day of the year so far.

The temperature? It was 22C. Or, to put it another way, a typical Autumn day in Sydney. No wonder we left.

And like the predictable nation of sun junkies the Brits are, everyone decided to hurtle on down to the beach to frolic in the excrement-laden waves of our polluted coastline.

For nothing says “summer in Britain” quite like queuing in sweltering hot traffic for three hours so you can watch a few used condoms float around on the brown-water majesty of the North Sea.