70-Year-Old Rioter Arrested

Scotland Yard have revealed that the oldest person to be arrested in the Ealing riots was a 70-year-old man, who was caught looting from Sainsbury’s. A spokeswoman for Scotland Yard released a statement saying, “He is the oldest person arrested so far in connection with the violence in London. He admitted theft and was cautioned. We will not reveal his identity. This man was deeply ashamed of himself and it was decided it wasn’t in the public interest to lock him up.” Right, so looting and theft is all ok as long as you’re really really sorry. We guess we’ll be having that fillet steak and artichoke hearts with some Moet & Chandon tonight, and then be really really sorry about it tomorrow.