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• WE’RE all used to seeing Olympic sprint freak Usain Bolt flying round the track at break-neck speeds.
Unfortunately he tried the same thing in a car in Jamaica this week and ended up flying off the road.

“We are very relieved he’s OK. Everybody is fine,” said the track star’s manager, Norman Peart,
The 22-year-old and his female passenger were taken to hospital in Spanish Town. Now we don’t consider ourselves great geographalists here at British Balls – but he crashed in Jamaica and ended up in a Spanish town? Christ, what speed was he doing?!

• IT WAS only a matter of time but Scotland has finally realised it’s got no friends after pulling out of the race to co-host the 2015 Rugby World Cup.
The Scots wanted to host a pool and at least one quarter-final but could not secure an agreement with the English, Irish and Welsh unions. If they’d agreed to put Hadrien’s Wall back up afterwards and keep the Hell away from the rest of the home nations they might have had more support.
A Scottish Rugby statement read: “The Scottish Government confirmed its willingness to sub underwrite an equitable proportion of the required £80m event guarantee expected by the IRB in return for Scotland to be able to host these games.
“As the discussions progressed, including discussions with the UK Government, an agreement between the four home unions could not be secured. “
Hmm. Funny how it all fell through the minute the Scotch government heard the words “80 million pounds”.
They’ve probably got more than enough money under their tartan mattresses the tight gits but would rather spend it on shortbread.

• JENSON ‘bouncebackability’ Button heads into this weekend’s Spanish Grand Prix (May 8-10) 12 points clear at the top of the Formula One standings after another win in Bahrain.
Now there’s a sentence we never thought we’d write.
Button, who finally seems to have overcome the handicap of having no Christian name, started fourth on the pole but drove brilliantly to earn his third win in four races.
No really, we can’t believe we’re writing this.
“I was very happy with the race,” said Button (left). “I didn’t feel I had put a foot wrong. It’s nice to be in a car where you can show what you can do.
“This was a tough race for us. This weekend we haven’t had the pace we’ve had the first two races. I don’t know where it’s gone. I guess these guys have just caught up.”
Meanwhile, Lewis Hamilton is still crying into Nicole Scherzinger’s ample charms over the fact that he was caught lying.
The big fibber finished fourth in Bahrain and admitted he considered quitting after the McLaren scandal in Melbourne.

• FOR A man named after a woman’s dress, we wouldn’t want to mess with Carl Froch (left).
In true Rocky versus Clubber Lang style, cheeky Frocher produced one of the greatest comebacks in boxing to retain his WBC super-middleweight just when opponent Jermain Taylor looked to have it in the bag.
Taylor had outclassed, outpunched and outmanoeuvred Froch for 11 rounds, knocking down the Nottingham lad twice.
Trailing by a country mile on points heading into the final round and with the belt all but in Taylor’s hands, Froch then produced a furious flurry of late blows and a booming right left the challenger on jelly legs – literally running away from his opponent.
Froch hunted his man down and continued to pepper him with unanswered punches and Taylor finally crumpled in a neutral corner with 45 seconds left.
Taylor hauled himself to his feet, but Froch pinned him down in the opposite corner and after 15 unanswered blows, referee Mike Ortega rightly called a halt to proceedings with 14 seconds left.

• TARTAN twat Andy Murray suffered a shock 6-1, 3-6, 5-7 defeat to Argentine qualifier Juan Monaco in round two of the Rome Masters.
Even more shocking was the fact that the moaning bastard took defeat gracefully, admitting that the better man won.

LEGENDS LIVE: Legend. It’s such a subjective term. Take Alan Shearer. In Newcastle he’s a God amongst men, a black-and-white striped goalscoring machine who pisses Brown Ale and can fart the theme tune to the Likely Lads at will.
To everyone else he’s a crap commentator living off former glories who bafflingly manages to make Mark Lawrenson look insightful. So with this in mind, the name John McDermott probably doesn’t mean much to anyone outside Lincolnshire.
If you were born anywhere near Cleethorpes, however, you would happily let him eat your freshly caught cod, shag your missus and then offer your best work suit so he could clean his privates.
McDermott lined up with Ryan Giggs and Ashley Young this week at the PFA awards after receiving the Merit award for his services to the game.
And when we say ‘game’ we specifically mean Grimsby Town.
“I thought it was one of the lads winding me up, a real shock,” said John.
One-man club “Macca” spent 20 years at Blundell Park, experiencing nine promotions and relegations and three Wembley appearances in 753 appearances.
Not bad to say he was playing for a side who have just come within a hair’s breadth of relegation to the Conference
.