•  Where to begin. Or, more aptly, where to end.
For those of you who got so hammered last weekend that you blacked out and can’t remember anything about the rest of the week (and we can include Ricky himself in that one) the Hitman was absolutely mullered by Manny Pacquiao in Las Vegas.

Hatton was taken to hospital after being knocked out by a brutal swing straight to the face in round two (after twice going down in the first round) but dad Ray said: “He is perfectly all right. When it’s a knockout you get checked out. He has had all the tests and scans.”
The only thing that should be battering Ricky over the head now is the decision to retire. And if he wants to be really helpful, he should wait until after Sunday to do it as we’re writing this on Tuesday and don’t want to look like idiots when the magazine comes out.
The finger-pointing game has already begun with Hatton’s camp insisting Floyd Mayweather Snr is not to blame – which basically means it’s all his fault.
Amid rumours of unrest and bust-ups, Mayweather strolled into the MGM Grand Huggy Bear-style just an hour before Hatton faced Pacquiao.
We wouldn’t be surprised if he was there longer once the fight had actually finished. He was in Vegas after all and those bets on Hatton to go down early in the second don’t just collect themselves you know.

• CHAS and Dave may well have been snooker loopy cockney chancers back in the 80s but they’d have a hard time staying awake during a game these days.
So hat’s off to John Higgins and Shaun Murphy who managed to reach another new low in sports entertainment in a thoroughly underwhelming World Championship final this week.
Higgins crushed Murphy 18-9 to claim his third world crown in a dull as dishwater affair at the Crucible.
“It is amazing,” said Higgins, despite all evidence pointing to the contrary.
“When I won it for the first time in 1998, it took so long to win it again. Now, a couple of years later, to win it again is brilliant.”
In fairness, the final was an anti-climax to an otherwise entertaining championship which featured a record-breaking 83 centuries.
Fair enough, but give us a nekkid Ronnie O’Sullivan wrestling with a drunk Alex Higgins on top of the reds anyday.

• BONGTASTIC Olympic hero Michael Phelps was set to compete in his first event since his eight-medal gold haul in Beijing this week.
The American weed loving Yank was banned for three months in February after photographs of him smoking cannabis were printed in the News of the World.
“I’m getting back into racing shape and we’ll see how it goes,” Phelps said before rubbing his stomach and asking where he can get some munchies.
“I’m feeling good in the water and swimming some decent times in practice,” he said ahead of taking on the 200m backstroke, 200m butterfly, 50m, 100m and 200m freestyle.
“But I have no idea what to expect in the meet. I’m going in open-minded.”
Don’t you think you’ve been in enough trouble for ‘expanding your mind’ Michael?
In Beijing, Phelps broke fellow swimmer Mark Spitz’s 36-year-old record of winning seven gold medals at one Games, taking his personal tally to 14 – five more than anyone else has achieved.
At the time, he said it was an all-time high. Now we know better.

• ROAD-SHITTING runner Paula Radcliffe has targeted August’s World Championships in Berlin for her return from injury.
The 35-year-old public defecator, who had surgery in March to remove a bunion on her right foot, hopes to resume full training in June.
Radcliffe said: “Hopefully I’ll make the World Championships, but if I don’t it will be an autumn marathon. I’m not going to go crazy to make it like I did for the Beijing Olympics.”
Radcliffe revealed her troublesome bunion had been responsible for a succession of injuries dating back three years.
“I had that reassurance that it was not my body falling apart or me getting too old, but a structural problem with my foot,” she added.
Or maybe a problem with the fact you’re a big bottler Paula.

Welsh woe as Leicester and Leinster set up tongue-twisting tie
The Heineken Cup final looks like its going to be a bit of a tongue-twister for pundits with Leicester squaring up against similarly named Leinster later this month.
It could have (and probably should have) been different though with Leicester somewhat fortunately booking their place at the expense of Cardiff following 26-26 draw.
Seeing as they technically haven’t lost a game in the cup all season, have a better disciplinary record and have also won more games in total in the competition, Cardiff were more than a wee bit miffed that they were knocked out in the lottery of a shoot out.
Welsh centre Tom Shanklin (pictured) was one of the big moaners on the night, although there was a silver lining.
He dislocated his shoulder a couple of days later so probably wouldn’t have been able to play anyway. You lucky git Tom.
The other semi-final proved just as surprising, if less exciting, with Leinster cruising to victory 25-6 over holders Munster in an all-Ireland affair at Croke Park.