Walliams swims down the ThamesWalliams swims down the Thames

We’ve kind of gone off David Walliams since he grew up. Of course we’re all for charitable endeavours but we do wish he’d hurry up and get them over with and get back to making us laugh. Greasing up once more Walliams has begun his 140 mile swim down the Thames for Sport Relief.

The Little Britain star now has eight days to swim from Gloucestershire to London and will attempt the challenge by swimming in 2 hour blocks, spending 8 hours a day in the freezing River Thames.

We’d like to take this opportunity to point out the risks and dangers he may encounter during his swim…

1. Swans are evil and may well attack his pale body confusing it for a fellow swan in a territory battle.

2. Whales have been known to enter the Thames and could well squash him to death if they fancy a trip to the big smoke.

3. Trespassing dolphins and seals could also present more risk than a common Perch to Walliams by hogging the limelight.

4. Shopping trollies may become hazardous if he gets one stuck on his foot as they are the most common dweller of the Thames.

5. Dead bodies may well incur psychological damage during the task if they surface.

6. Plastic bags may also disrupt swimming if one sneaks up on him whilst swimming and he freaks out wondering what the hell it is as the water is too murky to see through.

7. Viles disease caused by rats piss could also infect Walliams whilst swimming if he has any open cuts and grazes.

8. AIDS will definitely be incurred by disgarded needles, general pollution and all of the above.

Our conclusion: Swimming in the Thames is definitely a bad idea good luck Wally!