It was Jose Mourinho who first coined the phrase “parking the bus” to describe a team that defends with more depth than a Terrence Malick film. Such ugly tactics offended the footballing sensibilities of Mourinho, who is of course famous for creating flair-based teams of risk-taking, ball-juggling ‘football carousel’ pass masters.
But as Australia are sure to find out at next year’s World Cup, even parking the bus isn’t guaranteed to get you a result when you’re up against truly great teams, which is presumably why Italian midfielder Giulio Migliaccio has come up with a controversial new tactic: parking the tank (stick with us, we’re getting to the point in a minute).
Atalanta star Migliaccio, henceforth known as The Desert Prat, is in trouble with the Italian FA after riding in a tank as it rode over and crushed two cars decorated in the colours of rival clubs Brescia and Roma during the club’s pre-season festival.
Migliaccio’s excuse? He couldn’t see where he was going. Well that’s all right then.
“I was inadvertently the protagonist. In a party atmosphere, in amongst a huge crowd of fans, including lots of women and children, I was invited on board a tank,” said the 32-year-old. “I certainly could not have imagined that, at a certain stage, we would have crushed two cars taken from the scrap yard. I only realised when we were already going over them and, since I could not see since I was high up and at the back, I did not know that they had the symbols of two football clubs on them.”
That excuse didn’t work for BBM when we pissed off a balcony onto Craig Foster’s car, and we’re sure it won’t work for Migliaccio either.
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