October was a bad month to be a shit former England manager living in the East Midlands. First Steve McClaren gets the chop at Forest, now lightbulb-headed Ulrika-shagger Sven-Goran Eriksson has been booted out of Leicester. Someone better warn Graham Taylor not to move to Derby or he’ll come down with piles.
Sven was finally given the golden handshake and $50 worth of Ikea vouchers after “masterminding” the Foxes 3-0 home defeat to struggling Millwall at the end of October. Despite spending $18trillion bringing past-it Premier League players to the club on oil-tycoon wages (we’re looking at you Yakubu), Sven only managed to steer the club to mid-table mediocrity, with the side 13th in the Championship table when he left. “I have always thought, and still believe, that the club will be promoted this season,” said Mekon-lookalike Sven. “But football is a results industry and we couldn’t get things right enough.”
Just for the record, Sven has failed to get it right for 11 years now – the last time he won a trophy was in 2000. “I want to say a huge thank you for your [the fans] support,” added Sven. “You are fantastic people and I will never forget the way you welcomed me into your club. I am just sorry that I won’t be on the bench the day you reach the Premier League.”
Very true Sven, by the time Leicester reach the Premier League it’s more likely you’ll be in a box, as the sizable debt you helped the club build up will probably take several decades to pay off once the new owners get bored of their bid for glory.
