As anyone who’s been to Birmingham will tell you, the best thing you can do is flee the shithole as quickly as possible.
Sure, the locals’ accents may be hilarious, but the longer you stay there, the greater the chance you’ll end up in the Bullring, or get lost trying to find the right platform at New Street Station. You could even end up at Jasper Carrott’s house.
So you’ll understand if we’re a little sceptical of the so-called “charity” of departing West Brom striker Markus Rosenberg.
Rosenberg, who joined West Brom in 2012, left the club by mutual consent last month and has joined Malmo in his native Sweden.
And to save on shipping costs, he donated the entire contents of his house in Birmingham to charity shop Sue Ryder. In other words, he couldn’t leave the place quick enough.
“I wasn’t a West Brom fan before, but I am now,” said stock generator Tracey Evans. “When we had finished [collecting the items] there were just the beds left for them to sleep in.
“They even offered us a 20-foot trampoline in the back garden, but we had nowhere to put it.
“It is all good stuff – a lot of the furniture is minimalistic. We really are so grateful because we are so desperate for furniture.”
Seeing as he’s heading to Sweden, Rosenberg should have no trouble replacing his furniture. It’s a little known fact that there are more Ikeas in Sweden than there are people. Similiarly, few people know that every woman in Sweden is blonde and likes lezzing up. It must be true as we saw it on a documentary called “Swedish Hole-stretchers VI”, for our money, the best of the series.
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