• A CANADIAN marijuana grower was made to feel a complete dope when his 11-month-old grassed him up to the police after making a hash of playing with his phone.
The 29-year-old had given his son the phone to play with, only for him to accidentally dial ‘911′, bringing mounties calling to the home in White Rock, British Columbia.
The officers, who thought somebody had called them then hung up, broke down the door when their knocks went unanswered.
The father insisted he hadn’t called the police and claimed his son was far too young to have made the call, until officers saw him playing with the phone.
“We saw him playing with the cordless phone and just pressing all the buttons, so evidently he had called,” Const. Canning said.
With that mystery solved, officers made a brief inspection of the residence and soon discovered a 500-plant marijuana farm.
And the mounties got their man. “The gentleman was quite surprised,” said Constable Janelle Canning.
The father was duly arrested and faces drugs charges. Given daddy’s rage it was probably for the best that his son was taken into care. He was later returned to his mum, who lives elsewhere.
Weed have thought he’d be pretty gutted by the whole affair.
• THE WORLD is a pretty big place so if you escaped the clutches of the law four years ago you’d have to be pretty careless to get caught, especially if cops stopped looking for you long ago.
But instead of fleeing Romania for another corner of Eastern Europe, changing his name, growing a beard and blending in by wearing a shell suit and listening to Ace of Base, part-time genius/part-time robber Petru Susanu had a much better idea.
The 39-year-old thought he had found the perfect hiding place until he was caught red handed – hiding under his mother’s bed.
Susanu used floorboards and carpet to make a cosy hideaway beneath the double bed at the family home in Vladeni.
She clearly never shared her bed with another man – if she did we are entering a whole other world of wrongness.
He was discovered when suspicious neighbours called cops after spotting his mum buying fags and booze, even though she didn’t drink or smoke. The shop keeper was suspicious as his shop was one of the places he was convicted for robbing in 2005.
Christ, lived cleanly too, but if cops stopped her buying us grog and smokes they would be dealing with a murder investigation.
• A HAPLESS Chinese man was left with both hot and cold blood dripping from his face after slipping and falling in his bathroom and ending up with a water tap stuck in his eye.
Mr Zhao, 57, of Chongqing, was having his early morning wash when he fell and landed on the tap. Firemen and ambulances arrived to find him with the tap still jammed in his left eye.
“It was so scary, there was blood spouting everywhere,” one family member said as firefighters cut the pipe with hydraulic shears, leaving the tap handle and some of the pipe in his eye.
Holding the pipe in his hands, Zhao was rushed to hospital where staff needed to try and make the pipe small enough to fit him in a CAT scan machine. So they called a plumber of course.
But after drinking six cups of tea and reading The Daily Sport, the arse-crack-displaying plumber was unable to remove it without causing too much pain. X-rays revealed the tap was 2-3cm into Zhao’s eye. As doctors discussed how best to treat him, Zhao, who’d been waiting for three hours, pulled it out himself.
“I felt I could stand the pain, and it wouldn’t be a problem,” said the hardest man in the history of the world, who escaped with just a fracture to his nose and facial bones. But it was certainly enough to make his eyes start watering.
• WE have all been in the situation where you are so drunk that you just want to lie down and make all the pain go away. Most of us, however, would be shrewd enough to avoid lying down between train tracks with an express service due any minute.
German Jens Mauer, who was five times over the drink drive limit, tried to cross tracks in Brand, East Germany, as a train arrived at the station. But he collapsed on the sleepers and was so pissed the train passed over him as he lay comatose below.
Station staff pulled him to safety where paramedics treated him for minor cuts and bruises. He wasn’t given a mental health check but he sounds absolutely loco to us.
• TWO Burmese men survived 25 days at sea in a giant icebox after their fishing boat sank southeast of Indonesia – allegedly.
They claimed they drifted hundreds of miles in shark infested waters before a Coastwatch plane spotted them and they were found 60 nautical miles away in the Torres Strait, off Queensland.
But concerns have started floating around about the reliability of the story they told rescuers – that they had been forced to crew a 10m long Thai fishing boat and as their vessel started to sink, the two survivors climbed into the icebox as 18 other crew tried but failed to find something to grab from the wreck.
They claimed to have survived by drinking rain water and eating scraps of fish that gathered in the container, but showed no physical signs of the ordeal and weren’t even sunburnt.
It sounds very fishy to us. If they wanted advice on how to get away with living in Australia without visas, all they had to do was contact a few of Sydney’s Irish backpacking community.