AS you must be aware, the current trend for pony tails, rat tails and elaborate mullets has reached epidemic proportions in Australia, and for the nation to retain its reputation as a civilised and respectable place to live, something drastic must be done.
So why not take your lead from a group of Chinese jokers who cut off the four-foot plait of a woman who had not cut her hair for ten years as she walked out of a shopping mall.
Understandably Xiao Hong, 30, of Siping, was not best pleased and called police to report that it had been stolen. It was especially galling because in the past she had been offered the equivalent of £300 for her hair but had refused to sell it.
She moaned: “People were squeezing together out the door, and when I stepped out I felt I lost something.
“I subconsciously touched my hair, but it was gone.”
She sobbed to police that she could not believe someone would steal the hair she had been growing for so long.
Well you know what they say – hair today, gone tomorrow.


WE BET most of you have thought about it. Up to your eyeballs in loans and credit card debt, would anyone really ever find out if you faked your death. Australia is a pretty big country after all.
Well we have some advice for you. Indulge your wildest fantasies Down Under. If you want to sip champagne on top of Sydney Harbour Bridge with 50 high class hookers snorting various substances off the koala skin hats of singing dwarfs, just do it. But be sure to catch a flight to Romania soon after. They are more than happy to call people dead when they’re alive and kicking.
In fact, when Gheroghe Stirbu, from Timisoara, tried to renew his identity card he was told he’d been registered as deceased.
Bungling civil servants had mixed him up with another man but although Stirbu pointed out this out, they refused to acknowledge their mistake until the completion of a 12-month legal claim finally persuaded courts that he wasn’t six feet under.
Judges eventually renewed his status as alive, and then charged him £500 in court costs.
Mr Stirbu said: “When the judge ruled in my favour I was absolutely delighted – and then seconds later was absolutely shocked when I found out I’d have to pay so much in legal bills.
“I will of course appeal the imposition of the costs but I am already beginning to wonder whether or not I would have been better off staying dead.”

WITH the entire world feeling the effects of the global credit crunch, companies are being forced to think up creative strategies to make people part with their hard earned, so it’s only natural that a restaurant in China is using the image of former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein to promote its spicy chicken wings.
The Passion Barbecue Chicken Wings, in Shenyang, says its seasonings are a challenge to customers, just like Saddam was to the US and UK. Adverts feature pictures of the despot – executed for crimes against humanity – both inside and outside their shop.
Their spokeswoman said: “Saddam loved challenges, and eating our wings also requires courage, so it’s a good match.”
Passer-by Qian Lianghui said he found the sign funny as he couldn’t figure out the relationship between wings and Saddam.
And local elementary teacher Fu Lei said: “It’s novel but clever, better than just using beautiful models on the sign.”
We suppose it’s only natural to try and copy the market leader. The image of a rotund military man with stupid facial hair never did KFC any harm. However, we’re not sure Colonel Sanders was hung for massacring at least 148 innocent people though.
We eagerly await the Hitler hamburger and the Pol Pot Noodle.

IT kind of goes with the territory that with a financial crisis comes an increase in crime rates, but you’d have thought a certain Mr Claus would have been immune from the credit crunch. Not so.
A mystery Santa demanded a toy ransom for an orphanage after pinching a builder’s £3,000 digger.
Jaroslaw Kryzwonos was ordered to buy £200 of toys for the children’s home in Lublin, Poland, in a phone call from a man identifying himself as Father Christmas.
After dropping off the sackloads of toys, the builder found his digger parked back where it had been stolen from.
A local police spokesman said: “This must be a very tough time for the economy if even Santa is trying his hand at kidnapping.”

ONE thing we miss about being away from Britain over the festive period is watching genetic freaks compete in the World’s Strongest Man, but the idea of a 20-stone brute pulling a truck suddenly doesn’t seem so amazing after a Chinese martial arts enthusiast pulled a 1 tonne car by a rope fastened to his eyelids.
Luo Deyuan, 21, of Guiyang, also pulled the vehicle by fastening the rope to a piercing in his neck and said he succeeded in his quest to “do something special” as his bizarre stunts have seen him fulfil his dreams of being featured on TV.
Come on BBC, this must be better than Songs Of Praise.