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Football News Round-Up

Loudmouth Yank bucket chucker, LeBron James, is now a minority stakeholder in Liverpool after signing a deal with club owners.“Eighteen championships? I see myself trying to do the same things they have,” he said while slam-dunking a three-pointer from down town. Or something.

Racist? Sexist? Xenophobic? Really fucking random? A lot of tags have been slapped on the chant that Spurs fans sang to Emmanuel Adebayor in the Champions League this week – mainly by high-horse riding Guardian readers – but it seems no action will be taken by UEFA following the incident. Kick It Out chairman Lord Ouseley summed it up best by claiming the song “wasn’t racist” but was “abusive” and had “racial undertones to it”. For those who haven’t heard it, the chant is sung to the tune of Sloop John B and goes… “Adebayor, Adebayor – his dad washes elephants, his mum is a whore.” You can debate whether it’s wrong or right, we’re staying out of it.

The Spurs song may be a grey area but it was a clear-cut case of pure-scum racism in Russia when a Zenit St Petersberg fan offered Roberto Carlos a banana recently. Zenit have been fined £6,130 by the Russian Football Union and the fan has been banned for life.

Rat-tailed wonderkid Neymar was sent off after scoring a brilliant individual goal in the Copa Libertadores – for wearing a mask of himself. The 19-year-old Brazilian grabbed the mask from a fan before returning to the pitch to celebrate – and promptly picked up a second booking.

From one teenage sensation to another, with news that pre-pubescent star Justin Bieber trained at Barcelona this week. The Catalan club played host to the irritating imp as he practised with Bojan Krkic, Thiago, Benja and B-team goalkeeper Ruben Mino. He was also spotted decked out in a full Barcelona kit while foolishly having a kickabout in Madrid – where are those Ultras when you need them?

Carlo Ancelotti is presumably trying to provoke a fight in the manner of a medieval knight after “questioning the courage” of the referee following Chelsea’s 1-0 Champions League defeat by Man United. “You need to have personality, courage and character,” whined Ancelotti. “Not always do referees have these kind of skills.” If ref Alberto Undiano Mallenco feels his honour has been suitably “besmirched” there could be a joust-off on the cards.

Subbuteo’s Shaun Wright-Phillips wants to extend his Manchester City contract. “It feels like I am part of the furniture here,” he said, as Roberto Mancini sat on him.

West Ham’s Nigerian star Victor Obinna was shocked to read widespread reports of his family being confronted by a gang of racists at Upton Park last week – largely because none of his relatives are in the country. “I do not have any of my family members in England. I didn’t have any of my relatives at the game and I do not know anyone who complained of any racial incident at the game,” he bemused.

Gareth Barry can expect to have a “kick me” sign sellotaped to his back any day now after schoolyard bully turned convicted criminal Joey Barton slagged him off for being a suck up to Fabio Capello. “Barry’s got a very good agent,” sniffed bully boy Joey. “He’s also discreet and always agrees with the manager. He’s like the guy who sits in the front row and listens to the teacher.”