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As a traditional war dance, you could say that New Zealand have an unfair advantage performing the Haka before every game. To even the playing field, here are our ideas for how a few other nations could take on the Haka.

England

The English team will stand in line in a queue. They’ll then moan about queuing. They’ll then moan about the weather. This goes on for 80 minutes and they end up missing the game.

Scotland

The Scots turn up in kilts with their faces painted like William Wallace. Bagpipes are played badly by ginger spotty kids with glasses and Alasdair Strokosch launches a 20-foot caber into the opposing team.

Wales

A dance that would probably be vetoed by the RSPCA, the Welsh team ride in on sheep, blaring Tom Jones from speakers nicked from Cardiff Revs.

USA

The Americans will turn up late, not know half of the countries they’re competing against and need to lie down.

France

The French team will hand out baguettes and cheese to the crowd, before slurring obscenities to the officials telling them to get on with it.

Canada

Half of the Canadians will sing their national anthem, ‘That Don’t Impress Me Much’ by Shania Twain, in French and the other half in American English.

Italy

The Italians wrap the opposing team in spaghetti and boil them in a vat of olive oil before driving off in Lamborghinis.
Image courtesy of Alasdair Massie