WHILE most of us mere mortals lose things like mobile phones or house keys, the hide and seek search that regularly has Jermaine Pennant frantically looking behind the back of the sofa just before work is ‘where the fuck is my Porsche?’.

The Stoke star apparently left his car – with the personalised reg “P33NNT” – at a Spanish train station for five months. Forgetful Jermaine even left the keys on the driver’s seat. When Spanish police eventually tracked him down, Pennant apparently told them he couldn’t remember owning it. As you do.