dialchavforchathamDial Chav for Chatham

The people of Kent never cease to amaze us. No offense to those hailing from the region, but you’re the ok ones ‘cause you got the fuck out of there. A hysterically backward woman recently called 999 to report that someone had stolen her snowman from outside her house, quotes from the transcription of the call indicate that she clearly is a complete and utter moron and shouldn’t even be allowed a phone. “I haven’t been out to check on him for five hours but I went outside for a fag and he’s gone,” she says. The operator tries to clarify: “Who’s gone?” and the woman says: “My snowman”. The operator asks her: “Do you mean an ornament?” and the woman replies: “No, a snowman made of snow, I made him myself”. Continuing, “He had two of my teaspoons on his arms and money on his face.” And here’s for the icing on the cake, “I’m not being funny, I know it’s only a snowman but I thought he’d be fine, what with it being icy and that people ain’t been walking up and down the road. It ain’t a nice road but at the end of the day you don’t expect someone to nick your snowman, do you know what I mean?” Christ on a bike! is all we can say. Police then gave her a few lessons in what clarifies as a 999 call.