BBM has absolutely no idea what cloud nine is, but the rest of the media is putting Tottenham on top of it so we will to.

Spurs’ 9-1 shellacking of Wigan has got the pundits drooling more than Stephen Hawkins at a marshmallow eating competition, and it’s no surprise since, according to Spurs’ manager, they’ve got the best striker in the world. Ever.jermain-defoe

Old droopy face, ‘Arry Redknapp, practically ejaculated into the microphone at the post-match press conference when talking about Jermain Defoe’s five-goal haul that saw the striker equal the Premier League record for most goals in a match, saying: “He’s an amazing finisher. When you look at England strikers, Wayne Rooney’s fantastic – a complete all-round player – but as a finisher, Defoe is the best out there.”

Alan Shearer previously elbowed his way five times past Sheffield United defenders to score back in 1999 when playing for Newcastle, while Andy Cole didn’t smile once as he helped himself to five goals against Ipswich in 1995 while playing for Manchester United.

While Defoe and co hover over London on their puffy cloud with demented grins, Wigan were left wallowing in their own fetid shit. But good for Roberto Martinez the Wigan manager for blithely ignoring the nightmare performance he’d just seen from his own team.

“The result is not normal but I’m not bothered about the final score line,” he said. “I’m more bothered about how naive we were. We’ll get stronger from this. You learn a lot from situations like this and the damage of this game will not be carried into the next match. We have enough characters in the dressing room and will react the right way.”