It’s an open secret that Richard Keys, the hairy man-sized Ewok who has been trained to commentate on football, hit rock bottom after his sacking from Sky Sports. The last time BBM saw him he was boozed up in Kings Cross “hanging out the back of” a prostitute dressed as an assistant referee while a crying Andy Gray goaded him on. It was a sorry sight. We only saw the back of his head, but we know it was him because he’s the only bloke we know whose eyebrows are visible from behind.
But things have turned around for Keys and Gray. Not only are they back on TV, commentating for Al Jazeera, they’ve brought the old swagger with them. And by “old swagger” we mean self-deluded egomania.
In an interview with the Independent following his appointment in Qatar, walking hairball Keys talked about Andy Gray “the Daddy of them all, the guy who invented it”, Gary Neville “He was my idea. Me and Geoff Shreeves” and likened himself to an experienced 747 pilot. He also had a pop at Sky Sports saying people would get bored of Neville and Jamie Carragher with their “insight” and “tactical nous”, which as we all know will never replace needlessly moving big arrows around on a screen and making Jamie Redknapp feel uncomfortable by talking about shagging his ex-girlfriend.
“When [Sky Sports] were signing left, right and centre, I said, ‘I wouldn’t do that’,” he blathered. “Sky have done their money. They’ve done their money on [Gary] Neville and [Jamie] Carragher and [Graeme] Souness and they haven’t got the money to pay anyone else. And with the regularity of those three, the novelty will wear off.”
So not bitter at all then. Still, it’s nice to see Keys and Gray working in a country where their views on football, punditry and the role of women in society, will be appreciated.
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