WATCHING a showbiz dwarf pull a vacuum cleaner around with his penis. It may seem like harmless family entertainment, but what if that showbiz dwarf was a smoker?

Well that’s when you’re in the shit, because smoking is a filthy disgusting habit and no one who has paid to watch a midget with a hoover attached to his cock should be subjected to such a disgusting habit.

That’s the message from Kings Lynn Borough Council who cleared various circus performers to perform at the local Corn Exchange in Skegness – including freaks who swallow revolving electric drills, walk up ladders made of swords and the hoover-yank-wanking dwarf – but banned one female performer on health and safety grounds because her act involved smoking on stage.