IF watching Siegfried and Roy has taught us anything, it’s that if you have a weird German-American accent, wear tight tiger-skin jackets and like prancing around onstage with your chest-hair exposed, then eventually you will get mauled by a white tiger.
So when police in Southampton received numerous reports of a white tiger (right) in a remote field they moved quickly before it attempted to attack its natural prey of flamboyant magicians and closet homosexuals.
After confirming the sighting, police closed down a nearby golf course and sent in an armed unit to tackle the beast, complete with helicopter and specialist staff from Marwell Zoo.
They stalked the animal cautiously, downwind to disguise their scent. Then a gust of wind knocked it over.
“The tiger then rolled over in the down draft and it was at that point it became obvious it was a stuffed life-size toy,” said a police spokesperson. “This incident will definitely be the highlight of our day. The CCTV footage convinced us all we were dealing with a real tiger.”