Chelsea FootballTitle winners: Chelsea
A bit obvious but much like last year, there really is only one logical choice. Barring an unforeseen sex scandal involving Ashley Cole, John Terry, three Thai ladyboys, the rest of Girls Aloud and Ben Dover from the Adult Channel, there really should be no stopping them.

Champions League: Man Utd, Man City, Liverpool
United will probably be pipped to the title. Again. City only needed the smallest of steps forward over the summer to make the top four this time around – but they’ve taken several huge cash-laden giant strides instead. And call us crazy, but we’ve got a sneaky suspicion that Liverpool finally getting a decent manager, keeping hold of Gerrard and Torres and not being distracted by the Champions League could combine to move them back into the top four. And it could be at the expense of an Arsenal side who’s best player has just been mindfucked by Barcelona.

Surprise package: Bolton Wanderers
Two words: Owen Coyle. Somehow led a bunch of Championship players to Premier League mid-table respectability with Burnley, then took Bolton from kick-and-rush relegation fodder to safety – all in the space of one season. Some excellent summer signings as well.

Lets all laugh at: Newcastle
And not just because of the accent. The Toon Army’s deluded expectation levels are sure to cause hilarity in the soon-to-come relegation battle. Their defence is always guarenteed a few laughs as well.

Relegation fodder: Blackpool, West Brom and Wolves.
We’re going out on a limb but we reckon Blackpool will go down. With no Hull or Portsmouth to shoot themselves in the foot this season, Wolves could suffer from second season syndrome while West Brom won’t even get that far. Wigan and Newcastle could get drawn into a scrap and Stoke’s bubble might burst as well.