Ask Crystal today
BritshBalls brings back Ask Crystal to please send us some of your tragedies, problems or even just stories you want the world to know.
Send it all in for your entertainment and mine. Ask or Tell Crystal!
Dear Crystal: I have recently just started a job as a flight attendant I was so exited for the job until the people around me started speaking down on me saying i’m only in it for the free travel and rich men, I was so exited to post all my travels and adventure between work on social media but now feel like I will be a joke. what should I do?
Crystal: Dear reader, being a flight attendant is an amazing job to have anyone that says otherwise is clearly jealous. You’v just catered to the needs of hundreds of people while working shifts of 10-30 hours with full-glam. Fuck em and post as much as possible (but keep it classy and keep them jealous.)
Dear Crystal: My neighbor’s dog keeps barking every time I use my back garden. It’s driving me crazy. The neighbor is friendly but doesn’t seem to hear or care about the dog’s constant barking. Any advice?
Crystal: Well personally if I was put into that situation I would consider maybe talking with the neighbor and if that is out of reason call animal services or get it tested for noise violation. rat poison does the trick, too.
Dear Crystal: My fiancee is pregnant. Now her sister is pregnant as I was sleeping with her also. Should I ditch both?
Crystal: Well, I wasn’t expecting this one in the new year. I would start by standing in front of a mirror and taking a long hard look at yourself and asking why or how you could be so desperate for this to even happen, like unless your fiancee’s sister is like goddess hot you really fucked up big time. If you don’t leave her shell, leave you maybe her sister will take you since she has already betrayed her sister. Or go for the Nick Cannon, have more kids to more women!
Brian: I’d argue new year, new you and age before beauty, so introduce yourself to her mother. One enough, two is a couple, but three is a crowd… abortion?
Hey Crystal, My girlfriend and I are both white. Our baby is black, I saw her with a mate without her top on 9 months ago. He is also white.
Crystal: Paternity test, maybe? or maybe just consider the fact if you saw her with one mate, u might have just not seen the others.
Dear Crystal: I am in love with my Gynecologist and I don’t know how to tell him. I think he likes me back but its hard to tell as I only see him while hes at work. I got a STI so i could see him again. Please advise am I going over board?
Crystal: Sheeeesh, ask him out when the Sti clears up?..
The Curse Of The Dead Celebrity
Dear Crystal: My girlfriend gets very upset whenever a celebrity dies and won’t have sex with me for a few weeks out of respect. Unfortunately they’ve been dropping like flies recently. It started with Robin Williams in August, then Dickie Attenborough copped it a few weeks later. Now that Lynda Bellingham’s popped her clogs I’m worried I won’t get my end away until bloody Christmas. Please help. Yours sincerely, Chris.
Dear Chris:You could actually turn this to your advantage. Try and convince her that sex can be a celebration of a celebrity’s life. Maybe suggest a game of “strip” Jumanji, for example, or dress up as a sexy Patch Adams. You could even offer to eat Oxo cubes off her naked body as a tribute to Bellingham. If you’re really lucky, Ron Jeremy will die soon and you’ll get to have a lesbian three-way in his honor.
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