Hot on the heels of the Toblerone, the army knife and the cuckoo clock, those war-dodging Swiss mavericks have come up with yet another awesome invention – strippers as pre-match entertainment at football games. Expect an exodus of blokes from west London when Chelsea play FC Basel in the Champions League next month.
As we all know, most Swiss inventions are funded by the gold they stole from civilians persecuted by the Nazis during the Second World War, but this one is the brainchild of FC Luzern’s 68-year-old owner Bernard Alpstaeg, who seems to be modelling himself as Switzerland’s answer to Hugh Hefner – a position currently occupied by Sepp “make lady footballers wear tighter shorts” Blatter.
Apparently Alpstaeg wants supporters on top form before matches get underway. “We are doing well this season and we have a great team, but we want to be even more attractive,” said Alpstaeg, while walking around in velvet pyjamas and smoking a pipe.
“I want a show before kick-off. I want scantily clad strippers and sexy dancers to entertain fans before the game. The stadium would be full – that’s guaranteed!”
Alpstaeg says he is willing to do whatever it takes to increase attendance figures, even if it includes hiring a number of scantily clad ladies to remove their clothes and dirty dance before their fixtures.
He has already chosen the ladies he wants, and has now submitted the proposal to the Swiss FA to get final clearance for the act to become a regular thing. If he’s smart, he’ll realise the strip show could also double as a potential match-making event for players who haven’t married a big-titted thick WAG yet.
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