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Whether it’s smashing your girlfriend in straight sets at tennis, humiliating your eight-year-old nephew at bowling or hammering your granddad 14-0 at FIFA 2014 on the Xbox, there’s something deeply satisfying about showing those weaker than you who’s boss. It’s the reason we’ve been banned from competing at Sports Relief with disabled kids.
And it’s great to see we’re not alone in this approach to sport, with a former first-class cricketer in New Zealand smashing 307 off 115 balls against a team of schoolboys – despite repeated pleas to retire.
Hawke’s Bay Cricket Association chief executive Craig Findlay mercilessly flayed the demoralised teenage bowling attack of St John’s College, with the latter’s captain, James McNatty, claiming he first asked the 42-year-old to quit after 23 overs of the 45-over affair “because it was really getting out of hand”.
Ruthless Findlay, however, batted on, as he hit 27 sixes against the team of mainly 15 and 16-year-olds on his way to his triple century for Napier Tech Old Boys – much to the outrage of parents and onlookers.
Far from being apologetic, Findlay, who played for Central Districts Stags in the ’90s, was positively proud of his knock.
“To create champions you have to be tough,” said Findlay, shortly after sledging a crying 15-year-old. “I’m not allowed to play and I have others telling me where I can bat and when not to play.”
Brilliantly, he then went on to reminisce over the highlights of his knock. “It was coming off alright,” he told Eurosport. “I was dropped early though by some poor young fellow when I was on about 40. My favourite six was probably one that sailed over the sightscreen.”
Asked if he would be as pitiless if he was playing against his ten-year-old son, Findlay replied: “I tell you, I also won’t be cutting him any slack.”
If only BBM’s dad had been so inspirational, maybe we’d be playing first-class cricket instead of hiding in bushes outside Cheryl Cole’s house.