Everyone knows that the back of the settee is part treasure trove, part time capsule. The last time BBM stuck our hand down there; we found $5.50 in loose change, the remote control for the DVD player, and a collection of half-a-dozen semen-stained tissues. In fact, we might add to the tissue collection after work tonight (Game of Thrones is on – boobs guaranteed).
But the traditional “ferk” down the back of the couch turned up something even more rewarding than usual for three young roommates in New York last month – $40,000 in cash.
“We just pulled out envelopes and envelopes,” said Cally Guasti, a social worker with Family of Woodstock who shares an apartment with two friends. “We put it all on a bed. We laid it all out and started counting. And we were screaming. In the morning, our neighbours were like, ‘We thought you won the lottery.’
“My mouth was literally hanging open — everybody’s was — it was an unfathomable amount.” But apart from the fact that $40,000 isn’t really “unfathomable” to most people (unless you’re on a BBM salary), we can understand her surprise.
What we can’t understand is why the crazy bitch promptly gave all the money back to the 91-year-old widow who gave the couch away in the first place. Bloody do-gooders.
“At the end of the day, it wasn’t ours,” Guasti said. “I think if any of us had used it, it would have felt really wrong.”
Apparently the pensioner cried in gratitude when they gave her the cash she had hidden away. The woman’s family had donated the couch to the Salvation Army while she was having health problems.
When the family hears about the amount of money the old biddy has stashed away, our guess is her health will “mysteriously” deteriorate again, with fatal consequences.
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