January’s the usual month of choice for people looking to get stuck into things, but last month seemed to buck the trend with umpteen idiots getting various body parts stuck, entwined or locked up.
Our favourite incident involved a pair of kinky lesbians (is there any other kind? Woof woof!), who had to call for police assistance in Halifax when they lost the key to a pair of handcuffs during a bout of bondage fun.
“We found it amusing, but the girls looked embarrassed,” Commander Paul Gyde said. “They (handcuffs) looked real and probably served the purpose for what they wanted them for (toot! toot!)”
Less sexy but more comical, was the story of a woman in Cornwall who spent “most of Monday” wedged in a faulty deckchair before being freed by firefighters.
More sexy shenanigans landed a woman in Russia in trouble after she got her head stuck between some banister railings while having sex on a flight of stairs. (Ding dong!) A neighbour called police after finding the woman naked and on her knees in a stairwell, unable to free herself. She told police she had consensual sex with her partner, who had left the scene – and they say chivalry is dead.
Emergency worker Alexei Dotsenko said: “In all my time working as a rescuer, I don’t recall any incident like this one.”
And last but not least stupid was a five-year-old boy in China who, bafflingly, somehow managed to get his head stuck in the railings of his family’s fourth floor apartment – with his body dangling from the outside above the street below.
The boy could be seen kicking his legs in a panic after reportedly climbing over the metal cage to look for his mother who had locked him in the house alone.
So there you have it readers, if there’s a lesson to be taken from all of this, it’s that lesbians are hot. We stopped paying attention after that one. Woof woof!
Got yourself in tight situation? Ask Crystal!
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