A bloke in Seattle caused a ruckus after trying to use his own bag at the self-service checkout of his local supermarket recently – because the bag in question contained his testicles and was attached to his penis at the time.
The suspect, 31-year-old Christian Fisher, is said to have walked into the Quality Food Centre market around 5pm and laid his meat and two veg on the self-service scanner. And we don’t mean he’d been to the deli counter. After plopping his privates on the till, he called a female checkout worker over to help.
The employee said she “reacted with surprise”, which caused Fisher to laugh. A male employee said that when he saw his female coworker “reacting to something on the checkout stand” he “walked over to see what the issue was”.
It was then he saw Fisher’s penis “resting on top of the scanner”.
That’s what you call an unexpected item in the bagging area. Although ”teabagging area” might be more appropriate.
The somewhat unusual shopping practice didn’t go down too well and the police were called, but Fisher had already beaten a hasty exit by that stage. Thankfully, that was all he’d beaten.
The suspect “was laughing and did not make any attempts to stow away his blatantly exposed genitalia”, said the police report.
It could have all ended there, with Fisher getting away scot free with his indecent expsoure, but he made one tiny, fatal mistake – he came back a short time later ranting about the fact that he “didn’t whip his cock out”. Bit of a giveaway that, but then that’s what happens when you get a bit cocky.
He was duly arrested and now faces charges of indecent exposure and assault.

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