When travelling and living in Australia there are many things that become apparent – the weather is generally awesome, the country itself is fucking massive, the lifestyle consists of sun, swimming and surfing and for every friendly Australian there is a whining, pasty Brit on Tour.
You would think when flying to the other side of the world that you would be faced with, well, Australian folk. However it turns out that Brits abroad have taken over and moved in. It’s like an attack of the clones. Thousands upon thousands of irritating English and Irish people line the streets and bars of every major city down under. Now being British myself the content of this article might sound a little…self-deprivating? However I feel the need to express my annoyance about my nation. I left the country for a good reason, to travel and expand my knowledge and grow as a person, experiencing new cultures and meeting new people, not bump into every Tom, Dick and what’s his face from the UK. Its like you are reminded of all the annoying things about your country when you meet people from there.
Number One: The pasty white skin on Bondi Beach that very rapidly – in a matter of minutes transforms to the brightest of ruby red. It’s like hundreds of giant killer lobsters crawled out of the sea; grew beer bellies, wore bad hair extensions and bikinis that are way too small for them and hung around of Bondi Beach. It’s unmistakable who is a Brit on Bondi, we are just a breed of our own. If you are heading down to Bondi Team GB will most likely be; attempting to flirt with Australians in the most shameful and pitiful manner, playing really bad football, (but thinking they look like Messi) being louder and more embarrassing than anyone else, moaning about how it’s too hot, but refusing to sit in the shade.
You might also occasionally hear the infamous ‘Brits on Tour’ chants, if this happens and you happen to be British: WALK ON. Do not join in, no matter how tempting it may be to make friends. You are better than that.
Number Two: I hate to say it but we moan about everything. Whenever I meet a fellow Pom the conversation always seems to progress into a whining battle where we are both reeling off factors about the country that piss us off. I am not proud of this fact, especially as the Aussies refer to us as ‘whinging pommies’ and they hit the nail on the head with that one. If we are not complaining about the expense of Australia we are moaning about the heat, our sunburn, how big the place is, how the nightlife isn’t as good as back home, how you cant get a decent roast dinner, (no Yorkshire puddings) the lads complain about Aussie girls not putting out as much as the Brits do, they miss their mum, gran, cat, cousin 3 times removed and 6 ft under. Basically they complain about everything. Really they should be sent home if they commit too many complaints. But the thing is British people just love to have a good old rant, we don’t mean any offense its just our nature – you get rained on enough times you just turn into a sour bitch.
Number Three: We steal anything and everything we can get our greasy little mitts on. Now of course I am not guilty of this myself, I am a well brought up gal with her morals well in check…sort of. But it seems that we feel we are owed something by Australia because of its expense. If you stay in a backpackers hostel it’s like your hanging out in a high security prison chatting to fellow inmates about what you managed to get away with from your last hostel fridge, the camper van you hired or the local bars. A lot of the time it’s not even useful items; a napkin dispenser, some warm beers that were half opened in someone else’s campervan or of course a road cone. We will just nick anything, funny seeing as that’s what got people to Australia in the first place those many moons ago. Seems the British haven’t really evolved from back then, plus it isn’t going to get you a lifetime in paradise anymore. You’re just left with pointless shit to carry around. Not so bonza mate.
By Kayleigh McCue
 

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