When it comes to the subject of psychic cows, BBM knows more than most having worked on the desk next to horoscope harridan Crystal Balls at BBM Towers for the past eight years. Even as I wrote that down, she read my mind and punched me in the knackers for being insolent.
But while Crystal boasts an uncanny knack for getting predictions spectacularly wrong, she has never got quite the same roasting for being off target as clairvoyant Dutch cow Sijtje did last month (although Crystal claims she had a roasting of a different kind with the Rolling Stones in the 70s).
Before the Europa Cup final between Ajax and Manchester United, the bovine soothsayer had an 85 per cent success rate – and predicted a victory for the Dutch club using her bucket of feed.
United went on to win comfortably 2-0, which led to the cow getting a grilling from fans – a phrase that would be all too literal if they had their way.
“I am sure that psychic Dutch cow didn’t predict that it will be the best ever barbecue first thing tomorrow,” read one tweet among the torrent of abuse the day after the result.
“Confirmed: This fake cow MUST BE TRIED and executed immediately for having the audacity to fool the world with a false prediction,” said another. You get the picture.
For the record, when we asked Crystal Balls to predict the outcome of the game, she mentioned something about George Best smashing one in. Again, it turned out she was just reminiscing about her bedroom-backdoor antics from the 70s.