Arsene WengerThey said it couldn’t be done. When Arsene Wenger outlined his secret plan to not win a fucking thing for over seven years but still not get sacked by the Arsenal hierarchy, he was dismissed as a lunatic.

Yet here we are, seven years later, applauding a truly stella effort from the Frenchman. Not only has he done it, he’s done it in record time – effectively making sure in February that Arsenal fans would have absolutely nothing to get excited about for the next couple of months following defeats in the Champions League and FA Cup.

“Our main target now is to focus on the championship,” Wenger whimpered. “People are always asking the same question, but the first trophy is to finish in the top four. That is vital for us. Let’s win our next home game and we will be fine. The feeble Frenchman is under contract at the Emirates until 2014 but is feeling the pressure as Gunners fans start to question what the hell he’s playing at. With Robin van Persie single-handedly keeping their top four hopes afloat, nailing down the Dutchman’s next contract seems essential if Arsenal want to become a force in the title race again. They also need to buy proven top-class players to replace the cavalcade of stars who’ve left the Emirates in recent seasons. Unfortunately for Wenger, that would mean ditching his usual tactic of raiding the Southampton youth academy.
“We have what it takes at the club when everybody is available because we had many missing and big, big players, too,” Wenger said. “Wilshere has played zero games, Diaby has played zero games and [Per] Mertesacker is out for the rest of the season. Santos is out for three months … at the moment I believe we are not making plans for next season. We are making plans for the next game.”

In other words, Wenger’s already eyeing up eight years without silverware.

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