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She may have a chin you can open beer bottles on and breasts like bee stings, but there’s no doubt that Keira Knightley is one of Hollywood’s beautiful people.
By contrast, Gary Neville is an ugly rat-faced Kop botherer with about as much sex appeal as the Jobbiegate “scandal” of 2007 (the one sparked when Robbie Savage did a poo in a toilet).
Yet amazingly, Knightley has been bewitched by Neville’s whiskered charms, claiming he is “absolutely fucking amazing.”
By all accounts, he’s a pretty decent pundit – a rare thing in the land of Shearers, Lawrensons and Linekers – but “fucking amazing” might be pushing it a bit.
“I have [a TV] because it was getting ridiculous watching football on the laptop,” drooled Knightley. “[Gary Neville] is just fucking amazing. Absolutely fucking amazing. His commentary…Well, it’s just amazing. He’s amazing.”
Well, if the punditry job falls through, at least Gary knows there’s a job waiting for him on the set of the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie, where he can play Mackenzie Crook’s stunt double.
Knightley’s praise didn’t stop there either. She loves Neville so much, she wants every other commentator on Sky to piss off.
“They’ve added loads of other [pundits] alongside him now, but I preferred it when it was pure Gary Neville,” she said while playing with herself as she watched old footage of Neville shouting at referees.
Of course, if Neville can beguile Knightley with his punditry passion, the question is will other Hollywood A-listers follow suit? Will Angelina Jolie cheat on Brad Pitt with the ITV’s king of monotone, David Pleat? Will Scarlett Johansson start sexting John Motson in the middle of an FA Cup tie between Preston and Burton? Let’s hope so, it might actually make him sound interesting for once.