The Olympics are just around the corner and after spending approximately $654,905,034,034,266,090 of the British public’s money on organising it, you’d expect the build-up to be running like clockwork. In true British manufacturing style, though, it’s already starting to look like a cut-and-shut job.

To start with, the Olympic flame went out. It was halfway across Devon when it was briefly extinguished while being carried by wheelchair-bound David Follett in Torrington. A statement from organisers LOCOG said: “The flame went out due to a malfunctioning burner. It is not uncommon for a flame to go out and this can happen for a number of reasons, for example, in extreme winds.”

But even more hilariously, the big British warm up event for the Olympics, the Manchester GreatCity Games, managed to piss off Jessica Ennis by screwing up the women’s 100m hurdles.

An elated Ennis thought she had just scored a personal best in the event – only to have the time taken away from her when it was discovered organisers had only laid down nine hurdles instead of 10.

“We’re embarrassed and disappointed,” said David Hart of organisers Nova. “We’re pleased Jessica has accepted our apology. We take full responsibility and it won’t happen again.”

The rest of the GreatCity Games went smoothly enough – especially for drug-cheat twat Dwain Chambers who has been cleared to race at the Olympics after Britain’s attempt to ban him for life was overturned by drug-loving Brussels eurocrats. Chambers finished second in the 150m, his first race since learning of the decision.

“They are all challenges and I need to keep my head focused on the races I’ve got coming up,” said Chambers while off his tits on smack.