After an unbelievably tedious event that made the Eurovision Song Contest seem stylish and edgy, we now know the teams England will look like shit against in the group stage of Euro 2012.
Following terrible Eastern European pop music, Cossack dancing, and speeches from arse-numbingly boring bureaucrats, England’s ball was finally drawn alongside co-hosts Ukraine, Sweden, and France – to the presumable delight of tabloid hacks now wanking themselves into comas at the thought of all the xenophobic headlines they can print about the French.
There was the possibility that England and Ireland would be drawn to face each other in the group stages of the tournament to be held in Poland and Ukraine, but, thankfully it was not to be. Ireland’s manager, Giovanni Trapattoni, said himself that he would prefer not to be matched with England so as to avoid the inevitable hysterically hyped build up; and Trapattoni got his wish, as Ireland were placed in the group containing Spain, Italy, and Croatia.
So, um, good luck with that.
Group A
Poland
Greece
Russia
Czech Republic
Group B
Netherlands
Denmark
Germany
Portugal
Group C
Spain
Italy
Republic of Ireland
Croatia
Group D
Ukraine
Sweden
France
England
By Peter Simpson
