Bullish British Grand Prix

“RED Bull gives you ze vings, ja?” exclaimed Sebastian Vettel (pictured), possibly, after the German’s crushing victory in the British Grand Prix at Silverstone.
Aussie team-mate Mark Webber finished second to make it a Red Bull one-two – which we heard can give you a heart attack if drunk too quickly.
“We can really mount a championship challenge from here,” said Red Bull team boss Christian Horner. Alan Shearer could have said something similar when he took over at Newcastle.
Yesterday’s man Lewis Hamilton was 16th while championship leader Jenson Button came in sixth.

Dandy Andy Lands Handy Draw

AT THE risk of jinxing the miserable git, Andy Murray has effectively been given a decent shot at getting to the Wimbledon final after defending champ Rafa Nadal pulled out citing what is technically known as ‘a gammy knee’.
It left Murray donning a tam o’shanter, clicking his heels together like a leprechaun and then going home to hug the lucky pot of gold that all Scotsmen keep under their 50-year-old mattresses.
Nadal’s absence basically means that third-seeded Murray won’t face Roger Federer unless he reaches the final, when he would undoubtedly get battered in straight sets by the Swiss ace.
Despite his insistence that he’s Scottish, Murray proved he’s still more Brit than tight Scotch git by making hard work of his first round tie against 76th-ranked Yank Rob Kendrick.
It set up a second round clash with 74th-ranked Latvian Ernests Gulbis.
There’s still a chance, of course, that Murray will get knocked out before this gets to press thus making this whole article redundant and misleading.
If that happens though, we’ll be too busy laughing to care.
By the way, Maria Sharapova got knocked out in the second round by someone or other.
So here’s a picture of her.

BALLS BRIEF

• A COLLECTIVE of extremely wealthy motoring enthusiasts got their way over another extremely wealthy motoring enthusiast this week.
Max Mosley stepped down as FIA president after Formula 1 teams had threatened to form a breakaway league if he went ahead with his plans to introduce a budget cap next season.
Well, that was their main excuse – they really just hated his guts. Ferrari’s Jean Todpt has been tipped to succeed him.
The budget cap has been put on the scraphead, meaning teams are free to spend with impunity.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

• “I CAN’T promise anything but I am going to do everything possible to do a good job for the club,” – West Ham’s new loan signing Luis Jimenez sets expectations low.

“THE best player in the world – who is spending the off-season with his family – has not, to date, given any interviews … and all statements (in which he is supposedly quoted) are totally false and abusive,” – Lionel Messi’s…oh hang on. Cristiano Ronaldo’s PR dismisses the sort of spurious reporting that pays our bills.

“IT’S a great honour to be voted Dad of the Year. I have won many trophies in my career but I’m proud to say that this is up there with all of them,” – John Terry (above) on his Now magazine accolade, which momentarily distracts him from his obsession with winning the Champions’ League.

“THE fistpump didn’t come from anywhere, it was just me being competitive.
“It’s one of those things: quite a lot has been made of it, but it’s not like I’m acting like a performing sea lion.
“People sometimes come up to me and call me Tiger Tim. Why am I called that?
“I don’t know, it starts with T and I don’t know. It has stuck,” – Tim Henman doesn’t quite explain the genesis of his Wimbledon celebrations.