Some breaking news from the boffins at FIFA HQ’s research and development department. After a year of analysis and scientific probing, they’ve made the ground-breaking discovery that it’s very hot in Qatar. So hot, in fact, that it would be silly to hold a major football tournament there in the summer. Just imagine how useful this information would have been a year earlier, just before FIFA decided to stage the 2022 World Cup in the Middle East. Talk about bad timing. The news that it’s hot near the equator took unlucky FIFA chief Sepp Blatter completely by surprise and he’s suggesting a shift in dates.
“In this heat, you cannot play in the summer. And we have to consider the players,” he said.
“I was just in the Middle East, in Jordan, Palestine and Israel. I have felt the heat in these countries and it’s not as hot there as it is in Qatar. It’s possible to air-condition a stadium, but not an entire country.”
Good save Sepp. Imagine if he’d not visited those countries, no one would have known it was hot in Qatar until it was too late. Even Sepp himself was adamant the tournament would take place during the summer just six months ago.
Lucky for us, FIFA’s big cheese has come up with a flawless plan to solve the problem.
“The World Cup in Qatar can only take place in the winter,” he said. “And the executive committee is sure to follow me.”
Brilliant plan Sepp, now all you have to do is overhaul every major domestic league in Europe to fit in a two-month break all because FIFA’s well-paid, jet-setting big wigs failed to spot that giving a World Cup to Qatar was a fucking ridiculous idea in the first place.
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