As anyone who’s ever been to the East Midlands will tell you, there’s sod all to do in Derby – England’s boredom capital.
So it’s perhaps no surprise that the locals have gone a little bit kinky in a bid to boost excitement levels with local planners approving a secret, top-of-the-line fetish sex mansion featuring a classroom, prison cell, dungeons, medical chamber, adult baby room (ha!) – and even a frickin’ stable. Hire prices range from £25 for an hour on one set, to £400 for the whole studio for eight hours. Apparently you’re not allowed to hire one for two minutes and 15 seconds. We were asking for a friend.
The awesomely-named Vivienne L’Amour, 24, who is setting up the sex palace, said it was within a 15-minute drive of Derby city centre – but apart from that no one knows where it is because of security fears. BBM can already sense a potentially fatal flaw in the business model.
“In Derbyshire, I want to create a hub for the East Midlands – for everyone who has a kink or a fetish or something unusual to have a place to come, because I will be hosting regular parties,” said L’Amour, who gave up her English degree to become a fetish model four years ago. “I want everyone to be accepted and included.”
L’Amour – who is referred to as Goddess L’Amour on the studio’s site (ego much?) – said she wasn’t doing anything illegal and would ensure council regulations are met before the club’s official opening, expected to be in the next few months. Considering the kind of filthy stuff politicians are into, we’re not surprised it’s been approved.

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