Whether it’s the world-class scowling of Colin Montogomerie, the relentless fist-pumpery after every putt, or the childish giggle we emit whenever we hear the phrase “get in the hole”, there’s just something magical about the Ryder Cup.
What other word could describe a competition that sees Daily Mail readers supporting Europe?The competition, named after British commentary legend Steve Rider*, kicks off in Scotland (why is everything in Scotland this year?) at the end of the month and Europe has already been dealt a blow with the news that perennial Yank bottler Tiger Woods has ruled himself out of the competition.
It seems years of banging hookers and porn stars has finally taken its toll on poor old Tiger, whose back is buggered to jiggery.Wandering-eye Woods had surgery on March 31 and has admitted he will not be fit to play at Gleneagles.“I’m extremely disappointed that I won’t be ready for the competition,” lied Tiger, who has never even looked remotely interested in the tournament whenever he’s played in it. “The U.S. Team and the Ryder Cup mean too much to me not to be able to give it my best. I’ll be cheering for the U.S. Team. I think we have an outstanding squad going into the matches.”
The shagabout former world No.1 isn’t the only big-name to drop out for the Yanks.Even before Tiger’s withdrawal, USA captain Tom Watson admitted his team was “dropping like flies” after Matt Kuchar, Jason Dufner and Dustin Johnson all dropped out for various reasons.
“It is a bit scary,” said Watson. “It doesn’t bode well for us so far, but there are a lot of good players still and guys are still jockeying for position.”
Translation: “No one wants to go to Scotland in the middle of autumn. It’s frigging freezing.”
*source unverified

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