The golden rule for any man who forgets to delete his “history” folder before lending his laptop to his girlfriend is simple: “deny, deny, deny”.
It’s known as the Shaggy school of thought; if you say “it wasn’t me” often enough, eventually she’ll believe you. If not, just blame your best mate.
Lucky for Stockport pensioner Ron Hayward, he just might be married to the world’s most gullible woman, Ann, who is steadfastly refusing to pay a £200 bill for pay-per-view porn films the elderly couple claim were never ordered.
Virgin Media, on the other hand, say the films were “unquestionably” watched at the Haywards’ home. Not only that, the couple have previously disputed bills for adult films in 2009 and 2012 when they refused to pay bills for £190 and £500.
While the natural, somewhat stereotypical, conclusion for most people is that pervy Ron has been watching them behind his wife’s back, Ann is adamant it’s all just a technical hitch.
“We got a message coming up on the TV saying ‘channels unavailable’,” she explained.
“It worried me so I called up and the next day I was told I’d ordered more than £200 of films. I was in shock.
“I couldn’t believe it was happening again. No-one else comes in here. There’s obviously something wrong with the technology.”
It sure sounds like a mystery worthy of Sherlock Holmes – and we suspect the first clue he’d discover would be a large amount of soiled Kleenex tissues behind the back of the sofa.
A Virgin Media spokeswoman said: “These films were unquestionably watched by someone in the Haywards’ home.
“We are happy to arrange a payment plan but have said they may want to find an alternative provider going forward.”
Ron, meanwhile, was strangely silent on the matter. In fact, midway through the interview, he went to the toilet for half an hour and came out yawning, looking slightly distracted and with a mayonnaise coloured stain on his trousers.
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