NRA-loving Americans still haven’t quite got the right idea of how to stop school massacres after overzealous teachers from Pennsylvania suspended a 10-year-old for “firing” an imaginary bow and arrow at another pupil. Almost there guys, but we think easy access to semi-automatic guns might be the problem rather than games of cowboys and Indians.
According to the Rutherford Institute, which is defending the youngster, Johnny Jones was accused of breaching South Eastern Middle School’s regulations on using weapons, even though the bow and arrow were in his head rather than his hands.
It’s a worrying precedent. If “imagining” crimes was against the law, we’d have been banged up for life for the things we’ve thought about doing to Cheryl Cole. Plus we’d be done for the imaginary murder of Ashley Cole.
“We all want to keep the schools safe, but I’d far prefer to see something credible done about actual threats, rather than this ongoing, senseless targeting of imaginary horseplay,” whined the Rutherford Institute’s president John W. Whitehead.
According to the South Eastern School District’s zero tolerance policy for “weapons, ammunition and other hazardous items” the school bans possession of guns, knives and other instruments that can be used to harm others.
It also bans students from carrying replica or lookalike weapons – but somewhat predictably makes no mention of imaginary weapons.
Little Johnny’s parents are now considering legal action to remove the permanent mark against the youngster’s record. Surely a more appropriate punishment would be to give him ten imaginary spankings? Which funnily enough, is also one of the many thought crimes we’ve committed against Cheryl Cole. Thankfully, she’s always very willing to give her consent when these ‘crimes’ occur. In fact she practically begs for it, the mucky bugger.
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